Once a month blogger

Perhaps I should change my blog name. I almost missed August completely! Hopefully now that the kids are back in school and there is some semblance of a schedule, albeit a crazy busy one, I will make the time to blog more often. The funny thing is, I write blog posts in my head all the time - too bad my Mac doesn't read minds...

Summer was a time for celebrations!

Mason turned 4 and requested the "pool cake." I should be pretty good at this one by now - I made one for Max last year and one many years ago for Matt when we lived in Philly.

I tried to encourage as much outdoor time as possible, but was not a great example (heat and high dose steroids are NOT a good mix!) 

Bubbles are fun! Especially golfing bubbles.

Max got really good at the hula hoop. Mason tried really hard.

One member of the family had a high flying adventure.

Two little brothers were wishing they were going on the high flying adventure!

And one member of the family decided it would be much more fun to jump out of a perfectly good airplane!

A few cards to share...

I'm still serving as the Young Women's president in my ward - my counselors and advisors have been awesome to pick up the slack whenever I needed it over the past few months! But I lost two of my advisors to moving at the end of June (they were awesome and will be missed!) A couple of cards to say goodbye:

And a few cards using up remnants of my very first Studio Calico kit:

Father's Day gift shenanigans...

Michael left last week to do some CME courses in Minnesota (mostly, I think he got to golf, go to a Twins game, eat at our favorite restaurant, etc!)

And I had the brilliant idea of putting together a little photo shoot of the kids while he was gone. Have you ever wrangled six kids trying to get that perfect shot?? Perfection never happened but the out-takes were hilarious and there was at least one that was print worthy.

One four-year old melt down (he did NOT want to be the top of the pyramid), several grumpy stares off into space, 473 rabbit ears, and 3 tickle fights later (which turned into 17 tackles, 13 half-nelsons and at least 4 screaming children), I think that begging 23 times "please, PLEASE look at the camera and not up your brother's nose" paid off. Michael and my Dad loved their gifts!

Using up my stash...and Studio Calico's latest kit

Feeling some good mojo lately - after a very long dry spell, it is so good to get back to creating a little something every day!

A couple of layouts from last November's Jenni Bowlin kit:

Picture was from earlier this spring, as were the thoughts behind the layout. He turned 4 on Saturday!!

She's been telling us the number of days, hours, minutes til she turns 16 for about a year now. I remember so well doing the exact same thing. And WOW! When did she get so grown up and beautiful?

Loved how Lisa Dickinson used the rub on as patterned paper here (scroll down a bit) and used the same technique on this layout.

And one using Studio Calico's sold out April kit (Joyland). Inspired by a digital layout I saw on Shimelle Laine's blog, but I can't find it now to link it.

He's 11. I keep hoping it's a phase. And I think I've been saying that since he was about 6. By far, my most difficult child (though Mason may give him a run for his money) he's the only one who has ever shouted "I hate you." In fact, it happen in the last half hour. *sigh* I really, really needed a manual on how to deal with this child when he came along.

And three more from my latest box of Studio Calico goodies and their Partly Sunny kit. LOVING this one!!

Woohoo!! I got to scrap with pink! I buy all the pretty pink papers and never have any photos to use with them. My birthday breakfast...yes, I am spoiled! CASE'd this design from a recent Scrapbook Trends Magazine. No link since I'm still getting mine in hard copy.

Mason waited not so patiently through many rainy, cool spring days before his trike could come out and play. I used a little piece of wire attached to a rub on (October Afternoon) for the bike flag.

Memory is a favorite at our house. I actually had to paint the back of the blocks black when Max (and Mason, to some extent) started memorizing the wood grain and cheating! Mason started saying "thanks for that, Mom" every time I would turn up a piece he was looking for. Smart alec!

That's all folks!

Something old, something new, something borrowed....

something completely out of season!

Something old - I think I made the misted background and sun almost a year ago. The paper was buried under a pile on my desk with nothing to go on the page. I'm sure I had plans for it back when I first created it (and I usually pile stuff together for a page) but it was perfect for these photos from a family pool party last summer. Some really, really old Stampendous vinyl stickers, old Scenic Route (which is sadly no more,) a few older Cosmo Cricket rub ons and some gorgeous Lily Bee and Crate Paper patterned paper.

Something new - lots of fun new papers. Lush - the green, Sassafrass - the numbers and the yellow (brads made with my i-Topper) and Jillibean Soup - the red. Alphas by October Afternoon. Humor by moi after several comments from my husband and older children when dressing Max and Mason in matching clothes.

Something borrowed (and sorry, slightly crooked.) I CASEd this layout from the fabulous Layle Koncar. I think this new Basic Grey paper will end up being a favorite! Little Yellow Bicycle ruler sticker, Studio Calico cardstock stickers from their Anthology line, cork buttons from Pink Paislee and bamboo alpha from Making Memories.

And something completely out of season. I saw this picture in my drawer last night and just grabbed stuff from Halloween stash to play. Fancy Pants overlay, My Mind's Eye papers, black distress Stickles to decorate the pumpkin.

Off now to enjoy Mason's 4th birthday!!

New layouts

When one lives in a house full of of boys, one will likely end up with a plethora of potty humor. And if one has a sense of humor, one might even photograph AND scrapbook these episodes. For a couple of months, the boys were obsessed with sticking stuff inside their clothes, mostly down their pants, and the new bouncy balls they got for Easter made for a pretty funny booty dance.

More Studio Calico - an older kit from last year but one of my favorites. There really isn't a yellow streak down the left side of the layout - I think the sun was shining behind where I had it propped up. And that exclusive SC paper? Made for the perfect booty paper when fussy cut ;)

Matt took the ACT on Saturday. He really only has 3 1/2 days left of school. And then he's a senior. A SENIOR!! 12th grade. I scheduled his senior pictures today with a good friend. Layouts about him lately have been slightly (ok, a lot!) nostalgic. I keep pulling older photos of him and I wonder where the time has gone...

No kit this time, but Studio Calico, October Afternoon and lovely Jillbean Soup goodies on this page.

What we're up to...

This one? He's going to be a SENIOR next year!! I'm freaking out, just a little. He got more involved in school this year - ran a little XCountry, swam (and I *think* he's going to be the swim team captain next year) and tried throwing shot and discus...I'm pretty sure that last one was so he could hang out with Julia even more.

And my girl? She is counting down the days til she turns 16. Holy cow - how did that happen?? I think her father may just chain her up in her room!

She also ran Xcountry (and kept training all winter) and went to Districts in track. She's running the 3200 and occasionally the mile, but the longer distance seems to be her forte. Still playing the flute, taking as many AP classes as she can fit in her schedule, MiaMaid class president - busy, busy girl. Can't wait til she can drive herself to all this busy-ness!

Micah - I'm having a hard time finding a picture of him. He tends to stay away from my camera, mostly in his room reading. My mom says he, of all the kids, reminds her most of me.

He turned 13 in March, bringing the total teenager count to three! He played soccer in the fall and is planning on it again this year. Despite a not-so-great band teacher, he is continuing with drums/percussion (and the teacher is leaving so I hope we get a great one to replace him!) and even has friends over occasionally to practice for their own little band.

The picture pretty much says it all. Life with Mitchell is always interesting. He played soccer, but doesn't want to anymore. Thinks football will be much better. He spends a lot of time playing Warhammer and Magic - I just wish he could garner the same interest for school! He sang in Swinging Singers for a semester, but decided that wasn't for him. At least he stuck with Rockin' Rhythms for the whole year (they play giant marimbas and they DO have an amazing teacher - I wish I could be in her class!)



And my sweet Max. He's just about to finish his kindergarten year. His teacher adores him and will be sad to let him move on!

Max was so excited to play soccer this year (finally 5!), go to school and this spring, Michael signed him up for t-ball. Despite almost half of his games being rained out, he has loved every minute of it!

And Mason? Somebody thought I needed excitement, thrills, conflict, back-talk and love to infinity in my old age. He keeps the house hopping, is always right (don't even try to tell him anything...even when he asks) and cannot wait to do all the thing the "big brothers" do.

Me being sick has been a little hard on Mason and I think a few of his more trying behaviors might have developed while his little self was trying to figure out what was going on. We're working on it ;)

Hiatus over...

And I even have some creative endeavors to share!

It has been an interesting couple of months. More questions than answers. More symptoms from the meds but learning to deal with "the new normal." Frustration with physical stuff that affects my little joys in life (shaky hands make it hard to stamp, write, craft, sew, take non-blurry pics, etc.) But definitely appreciative, thankful, grateful for so much - family and friends who pray, think of me, bring dinner, entertain my children, send sweet notes; meds that will save my life despite their devilish side effects; a husband who has totally stepped up to the plate and has taken such good care of me; children who have taken this mostly in stride and (with a little prodding from Dad) step in to help out when I'm just too tired.

I'm still on 200mg of the cytoxin (chemo) and the prednisone, though we have reduced that by a 1/3 since Thursday. Labs two weeks ago finally showed the creatinine coming down, though white blood cell count was up a bit. Probably another four months to go at this level and then (hopefully!!) remission and maintenance level meds for a year or so.

Eyelashes are mostly gone. I definitely have the prednisone bloat...moon face and all. Hair is pretty thin, but not gone. Ears were pretty good for awhile, but seem to be clogged up again the last few days. Cough is gone, but nasal congestion just won't quit. Left foot feels like I'm walking on glass - doc says some of this may be permanent nerve damage. But most of the joint and muscle pain has decreased tremendously or is gone altogether - lower legs are the one exception, but some of that is due to the prednisone or so I've read. And the shakes - hands for sure, and sometimes legs. I *think* most of that is due to the prednisone - there are a lot of unknowns about this disease and everyone experiences such differences in symptoms, it is hard to know. I'm hopeful that that will decrease as I'm able to cut the dosage!!

And with that update, on to better things! I have finally got back to my scraproom - I've been very good at accumulating supplies (shopping!) but not so good at using them the past couple of months. I'm just going to chalk it up to retail therapy and move on. ;) But I scrapped three pages this weekend and absolutely loved the results, so I'm thinking the somewhat self-imposed hiatus is over.

Studio Calico Feb Kit, Baker's Dozen kit (sorry, sold out)

Studio Calico's May Kit (Granny's Cupboard, also sold out)

Enemies of Creativity

One of the very first songs I learned as a child and have taught to my own children is the LDS Primary song, "I Am a Child of God." My faith in this simple tenant permeates every corner of my life. Mankind - all sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. And a Father who is the most creative being of all. As his children, our very existence is dependent upon following in our Father's footsteps.

The ability to create comes in a billion different ways - as many ways as there have been individuals. Some are easier to see - Michelangelo, Beethoven, da Vinci, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Mikhail Barishnikov, and all those whose creations are so big, the whole world notices. The vast majority of us create in much smaller, but truly no less significant ways. The teacher who creates an environment of learning for her class, the father who creates bonds with his children playing catch every evening, the mother who creates a home full of love with all her little efforts and attention to detail. The mentor who creates opportunity and a boost of self-esteem for those he teaches. The children who create lasting friendships by learning to share and get along with others. All are evidence of our creative nature.

But, there are always enemies lurking, some of our own making and some completely beyond our control, that thwart our creative natures. Lack of confidence, low self-esteem, lack of time, infertility, depression, pain, pride...the list goes on, with probably as many enemies as there are ways to be creative.

Six months ago, I would have said my main enemy was lack of time. Always more ideas and plans than hours in the day. I've experienced some low self esteem creative blocks here and there in life, even a bit of postpartum depression that knocked me for a loop for a while. Pain and fatigue have been the main enemies the last few months.

My current enemy now has a name: Wegener's Granulomatosis. It is a slightly daunting enemy - I'd much rather deal with lack of time, lol.

My kidneys already have some involvement - we were hoping it was the mild form without renal issues, but the docs are at least cautiously optimistic that we have caught it early and the involvement is still at the low end. And so I am up typing this all out at 3:20am - we bring on the big guns, pharmaceutically speaking, later today. I must admit to being more than a little anxious and sleep has been a bit elusive of late. Cyclophasphamide will be added to the Prednisone I started on Thursday and the induction period will probably last more toward the 6 months as described in the article linked above. Once we've kicked this enemy into remission, another year or so of maintenance on methotrexate (or possibly, azathiaprine.) Prednisone use will hopefully be tapered to a minimum. Lots of risks with all these meds, some pretty nasty possible side effects (so vain that I thought of losing my hair almost first thing!) but I'm so very glad for the advances in medicine that have turned this diagnosis from an almost inevitable death sentence to one that most now are able to live with, and live pretty normally when in remission.

This is my new fight. I will absolutely figure out how to deal with this and get back to my creative roots as well. It may be awhile before you see much that is creative here on the old blog...or maybe it will come soon. I hope for that! I miss it and I have a feeling that finding a way to be creative through all of this will speed the healing. Allowing and following our potential for creation lifts the spirits in more ways that we can imagine.

May I leave you with this video clip, a favorite talk given recently by the LDS Apostle, Dieter F. Uchtdorf. Even those who do not follow the Mormon faith will find his words inspiring.

Vulnerable

I don't think vulnerable would describe loss of smell or loss of taste. I'm experiencing a bit of the latter, and while it certainly makes for some very bland eating, it does not in fact make me feel vulnerable. I can imagine missing all the wonderful smells I enjoy - rain on the dirt in springtime, fresh roses, vanilla, cinnamon, baking bread, new babies. Of course, there are a few I wouldn't miss - driving by the paper mill, the road kill skunk or the flatulence that tends to build up in a house full of boys. But other than the occasional burning dinner or whiff of something somebody stepped in, it would seem to be more of a bereft feeling, rather than feeling exposed or defenseless.

Taste - definitely miss it! In fact, I'm down almost 15 pounds because I have no desire to eat. Everything tastes like cardboard. Life would be truly less enjoyable (but dieting would be a heck of a lot easier) without the succulent taste of chocolate or cheesecake. After experiencing this for the past couple of weeks, I definitely have greater empathy for my brother who lost his sense of taste due to a head injury last year.

But the other senses? Hearing, feeling, seeing - their loss seems to have a much greater impact. And I feel vulnerable. Unguarded and somewhat unprotected. You never realize how much you depend on all the little verbal and auditory clues every day...until they are gone.

I can't hear my children. I can't hear Mason calling during the day when no one else is home. I can't hear their chatter at the dinner table, can't eavesdrop on their bedtime conversations. I can't even hear when they walk in the door.

I can't hear the phone ring, though I can just barely make out what someone is saying if I press it tightly to my right ear. I can't hear the doorbell or a car on the gravel driveway. I definitely depended on those sounds to know when I had a visitor, or the mail lady had a package or UPS was bringing something fun.

Michael came home for lunch the other day, something he doesn't often do. He was home for almost 10 minutes, sitting on the other side of the room from me before I even noticed. Vulnerable -absolutely! Speaking of Michael, he is a super sound sleeper. He never hears the kids, never has. Even when they were babies, he slept right through all the middle of the night adventures. I worry now, because I can't hear anything. I was the one with the supersonic mom hearing, attuned to even the slightest moves of my children in their upstairs bedrooms. So far, Micah had the stomach flu (all over his carpet - UGH!) and Max had a wet bed twice - and no supersonic mom to help them out. Micah said he told Michael - he didn't even remember it the next morning when I discovered what had happened.

Can't hear the washer/dryer when they're done. Can't hear the beeping of the fridge if I don't quite get it closed. Can't hear the oven timer, water dripping, a car not sounding quite right. I wonder sometimes if I would hear the fire alarms if they went off.....

Mostly though, I miss conversation. Everybody, except for Max, has pretty much given up trying to talk to me. Mason get thoroughly frustrated with my inability to hear him and tends to scream...and then walks away. The older kids just don't bother. It is hard to be the mom, that all-knowing, all-powerful dispenser of wisdom and chocolate chip cookies, when one of the means to maintaining your super powers is suddenly stripped away. Vulnerable, definitely.

Pity, party of one

It's been 5 weeks. Well, all told, the feeling bad, not being able to breathe, why-am-I-still-sick started the second week of October. We tried a round of antibiotics, then allergy meds since it just kept going and going. Then more allergy meds of the prescription variety with a nasal steroid and back on Azythromycin.

Chest x-rays were clear, despite pain when taking deep breaths. Sinus x-rays were clear as well, despite the continual congestion.

And then, BAM! Ear infection from H-E-double toothpicks. It appeared WHILE I was on antibiotics. Pain. Oh my, the pain. I have given birth to six children and had kidney stones more than once, and this was right up there. A 15 on the 1-10 scale. More antibiotics - Amoxicillin, Augmentin, then Rocephin intramuscular shots at a pretty high dose. And still, a very active ear infection. My ENT put a tube in the left ear on Tuesday. It has helped some, but wow! I had no clue an ear infection could get so bad.

We did an audiogram on Tuesday as well. Marked hearing loss in both ears, some nerve damage that "may or may not be reversible." I can't hear anything out of my left ear and very little out of the right. I can hear someone talking on the phone if I press it close to my right ear...but I can't even hear the phone ring to pick it up in the first place.

Oh yeah, the Bells Palsy. I woke up really early one morning last week and went to get a drink. The water just dribbled down my front. I freaked out when I flipped the light on and saw that the whole left side of my face was droopy. I googled (NOT a good plan) before running to wake up Michael (think stroke, mini-stroke, TIA...scary stuff) but Michael calmly assured me that it was most likely pressure from the infection on the facial nerve. The doctor put me on a tapered course of Prednisone to deal with the swelling, but resolution could be weeks or months. In the meantime, I can't close my left eye and my lips feel like I just came from the dentist. My tongue is somewhat numb and everything tastes like cardboard - good diet technique, though, lol.

Now, I'm just playing the waiting game. Waiting to see if the ears will clear up (no more antibiotics for now), waiting to see if I can sleep again, waiting for the palsy to resolve. I had a head CT yesterday to rule out any weird stuff. Mostly, I just want to get back to normal. I want to hear my kids. I want to have the energy to do something beyond dozing on the couch. I want to sleep! I want to feel good enough to finish the layout that has been sitting on my desk for the past 6 weeks!

Sweets...or not.

Off to have a chest x-ray...or maybe it was a CT. Can't remember what the nurse said now. Head is in a bit of a fog. Looking to see if I have pneumonia. I am just hopeful that a diagnosis will also provide a treatment plan. I'm a little worried though as I have already done antibiotics twice since I started getting sick in October. Not so sweet.

Sweet is my little companion Mason. He has been so good at all the trips to the doctor and lab this week. He just walked in with his shoes on the wrong feet and I told him "Wrong feet, sweets. Change your shoes around."

He looked at me and said "why do you call me that?"

"What? Sweets? Because you are sweet. You're my sweets."

"Moooom. I am not."

"Sure you are. You are my little sweets. It's a good thing!"

"Mom. Sweets are candy. It's not a good thing!"

Well, you, Mason are a good thing. (And I'll probably slip up and call you "sweets" a whole lot more...just because I love you.) Definitely sweet.

SOOC - and I'm shooting manual all the time now!

Week 6 of Maggie Holme's beginning photography workshop and I'm feeling pretty confident with my camera set on manual. I still miss the focus sometimes and weird lighting throws me off a bit, but I have learned so much!

I can see I am going to be the total opposite of my parents - my littles will have way more pictures than my bigs, simply due to my improving camera skills. Wish I had had some of these skills when McKelle was small and was still willing to wear pink, ruffles and bows!

Do they look alike to you?

A layout of Micah's pictures from 10 years ago...

And a layout of Max from last fall.

Just a slight family resemblance, no??!